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      英語世界
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      翻譯擂臺第25期點評
      發布時間:2018年06月07日     發布人:nanyuzi  
      來源: 英語世界
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      【原文】

       

      [1]使舉國之少年而亦為老大也,則吾中國為過去之國,其澌亡可翹足而待也。[2]故今日之責任,不在他人,而全在我少年。[3]少年智則國智,少年富則國富;少年強則國強,少年獨立則國獨立;少年自由則國自由,少年進步則國進步;少年勝于歐洲則國勝于歐洲,少年雄于地球則國雄于地球。[4]紅日初升,其道大光?!v有千古,橫有八荒。前途似海,來日方長。

      ——梁啟超

       

      作為中國近代史上的著名啟蒙思想家、政治家和教育家,梁啟超生活在清末民初。面對國家的腐敗、黑暗、落后和虛弱,他積極參加了戊戌變法運動;失敗之后,流亡日本,創辦了《清議報》,“少年中國說”是1900年發表在該報上的一篇著名文章,影響頗大,被公認為梁啟超著作中思想意義最積極、情感色彩最激越的篇章。正值“六一”國際兒童節之際,重溫、翻譯這段100多年前的精彩文字,很有意義。

       

      [1]中,許多參賽者沒有將“使”譯出來,該詞此處為“假如、如果”,即if,如《論語·泰伯》有“如有周公之才之美,使驕且吝,其余不足觀也已”(即使才華比得上周公的人,如果驕傲、吝嗇,別的方面也不值得看了),可譯為:If a man is as gifted as the Duke of Zhou, and yet arrogant and stingy, then his other qualities are not worth mentioning. “舉國”是“全國”?!袄洗蟆?,書面語“年老”,有俗語:少壯不努力,老大徒傷悲?!吧倌辍?,有人譯成了teenage,但該詞在人口學上界定的青少年,一般為15–25歲或14–28歲之間,故不如the young people、youth。

       

      “澌亡”,其中“澌”為“盡”,“澌亡”即“滅絕消亡”,有人譯成extinct,但該詞本義為:no longer in existence; lost or especially having died out leaving no living representatives; specially, a species of animal or plant that is extinct no longer has any living members, either in the world or in a particular place。如:Unlike in the rest of Canada, the moose has no natural predators on the island, where the native wolf went extinct.(與加拿大其他地方相比,由于本地狼種滅絕,駝鹿在此毫無天敵。)故該詞用在此處有些“過”了。相比而言,perish更為適宜,其意為pass from physical life and lose all bodily attributes and functions necessary to sustain life,該詞最有名的用法出現在林肯的《葛底斯堡演說》中:that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth(這個民有、民治、民享的政府將與世長存)。故此,句[1]不妨譯為:If our nation’s youth also become somewhat senile, our nation as whole will be set back to its previous stage, and will then perish before long.

       

      [2]句,典型的譯文如“So those who shoulder social responsibilities are the juveniles rather than anyone else.”“It is the juveniles instead of the others, bear the responsibility of today’s China.”“So it is not others’ responsibilities but juniors’ to save China.”“So the duty of today falls upon none other than the youth.”等。其中,許多人用了juveniles,究其本義:A juvenile is a child or young person who is not yet old enough to be regarded as an adult. 且該詞是個法律術語,如juvenile delinquency(青少年犯罪)、 juvenile court(少年法庭)等,一般文章中不可用來代替young people、youth。如:“更有甚者,他們腐蝕青少年?!边@句不可譯成“What’s more, they corrupted the juveniles.”,而應為 … the young people。故句[2]不妨譯為:Hence the duty of transforming our nation today lies in no one else but our youth.

       

      [3]中的 “智”,譯得最多的是wise,其次為intelligent、clever、bright、 brilliant、smart等。但分析起來,a wise person is able to use their experience and knowledge in order to make sensible decisions and judgments,即wise一般多用于有一定年齡、經歷、資歷的人,如:①He was widely respected as a wise and statesman like governor.(他作為一位睿智、具備政治家才干的州長而廣受尊崇。)②You’re a wise old man: tell me what to do.(您是位睿智的長者,告訴我該怎么辦吧。)③等你長大懂事后,你會理解我的話。(When you are older and wiser, you will see my point. 此處要用wiser,而不是clever。)

       

      而intelligent, 多指good at learning, understanding and thinking in a logical way about things; showing this ability,即有才智、悟性強,更多強調理解力好,如:①The young man did not understand English, but he was intelligent enough to understand my question from the gestures I made.(這個年輕人不懂英文,但他很聰明,根據我的手勢便能明白我的問題。)②a highly intelligent child(非常聰明的孩子)③to ask an intelligent question(問一個機智的問題)。

       

      clever: skillful (or showing skill) in adapting means to ends. 多指心靈手巧,學習和理解比一般人快,如:①Her younger sister is cleverer than her.(她妹妹比她聰明。)②他聰明一世,糊涂一時。(He has been clever all his life but stupid this once.)③人們有時聰明反被聰明誤。(Clever people may be victims of their own cleverness. 此處的clever不可用wiser,而cleverness亦不可用wisdom。)

       

      bright常用于口語,強調的是showing an ability to think, learn, or respond quickly,多指年輕人、小孩反應快,如:①The boy is bright beyond his years.(這孩子真聰明,不像這么大的。)②我班上有幾個非常聰明的學生。(I have some very bright students in my class.)類似的是brilliant,指某些能力特別突出,如:他才華橫溢。(He has a brilliant brain.)

       

      至于smart,固然也與知識、智慧有關,但更多是指showing intelligence and mental alertness,即看起來很靈巧、機警、靚麗,有時也用于貶義,指耍小聰明,如:①Smart children talk earlier than the average.(聰明的幼童比一般孩子說話早。)②Do what I say and don’t get smart.(照我說的去做,別耍小聰明。)

       

      同時,“富”的譯法,參賽譯文中用得最多的是rich和wealthy。二者都指“擁有財物或金錢”,rich用得更廣泛,強調“個人財產和金錢的擁有”,如:He is a rich man.(他是個有錢人。)也指某些物質方面的豐富,如:①中國自然資源豐富。(China is rich in natural resources.)②rich voice(飽滿洪亮的聲音)③an experience rich with meaning(富有意義的經驗)。前面加上定冠詞the則指人,如:有時候,富人的煩惱比窮人多。(The rich sometimes have more trouble than the poor.)而wealthy則同時暗指在社會上有殷實的地位,如:He is one of our most wealthy residents in the city.(他家是城里家境相當不錯的一戶。)而wealthy和rich會同時用,如:He is not merely wealthy—he is rich. 可譯為:他其實不只是富裕,他很有錢!

       

      對于“自由”,用得最多的是free、freedom、liberty等,應當說,freedom 用得更為廣泛,指某種行為完全不受限制、阻礙、影響,如:①freedom of speech(言論自由)②freedom of press(出版自由)③She is now nineteen, and has the freedom to do as she pleases.(她已19歲了,有自由做自己喜歡做的事。)liberty多用于正式語體中,具有選擇性,如:①Employees have the liberty to use all the museum facilities.(雇員有使用博物館設施的自由。)②他現在自由了。(He is now at liberty.)

       

      其實,還可用unrestricted,其義釋為“If an activity is unrestricted, you are free to do it in the way that you want, without being limited by any rules.”,是一種涵義更深的freedom,如:①The authorities have failed so far to enact a law allowing unrestricted emigration.(到目前為止,當局未能通過允許自由移民的法律。)②課外活動,完全自由。(Extracurricular activities are totally unrestricted.)有的用了看似相同的unstrained,其實不妥,因該詞強調的是一種自然、輕松狀態,如:His playing is facile and unstrained.(他的表演輕巧,無拘無束。)

       

      在句式表達上,一般譯文都比較嚴格地遵循了原文,如:If the youth is wise, and our country will be wise. If the youth is rich, and our country will be rich. If the youth is strong, and our country will be strong. If the youth is independent, and our country will be independent. If the youth has freedom, and our country will have freedom. If the youth makes the progress, and our country will make progress. If the youth is superior to Europe, and our country will be superior to Europe. If the youth dominate the world, and our country will dominate the world. 應當說,中文的這種排比句很有氣勢,頗具感染力,但照搬到英文里效果未必相同,而且還可能讀來冗贅重疊。

       

      類似的,在第七屆“《英語世界》杯”翻譯大賽的漢譯英原文中,有句“知識可以占有,智慧只能發揮;知識向外求得,智慧于內感悟;知識越獲越豐富,智慧越凝越升華”,一般譯文都采取了類似的句式,如“Knowledge may be possessed, while wisdom must be fulfilled spontaneously. Knowledge may come from acquisition, while wisdom must be derived from introspection. Knowledge can be accumulated, while wisdom must be refined.”等,當然不能算錯,但根據英文形合的特點,不妨將其整合為一句:Knowledge can only be possessed and accumulated externally, while wisdom is brought into play and sublimed internally. 從而求得“整體相等”,同時精簡掉其中重復部分。同樣,魯迅的名言“沉默??!沉默!不在沉默中爆發,就在沉默中滅亡?!?,其中有四個“沉默”,在中文里有層層遞進的吶喊效果,但若原封不動搬到英文,則顯累贅,于是楊憲益、戴乃迭將其譯為“Silence! Silence! Unless we burst out, we shall perish in this silence.”,既保留原文的強烈感情,又平實、順暢。故此,句[3]不妨加以相應變通:When the youth become intelligent, the whole nation is; as the youth get wealthy, so does the whole nation. In the same way, when our young people grow to be strong, independent, progressive and unrestricted, so will the whole nation, which will surpass Europe and even stand out in the world with its dynamic youngsters.

       

      [4]中,對于“紅日初升,其道大光”,一般都譯成了The red sun is just rising、The sun has just risen、The red sun rises brightly等,頗顯突兀。其實應該結合其廣義和狹義的語境來理解:梁啟超將當時封建統治下的中國視為衰落無望的“老大帝國”,而熱切希望出現一個富、強、獨立、自由、進步的“少年中國”,只有那樣,中國才會有前途,因此,譯文應加以銜接和變通,如可采用If that happens, … would be like… 的句式。對于“縱有”“橫有”,有譯文用了Longitudinally, …; Horizontally, …,固然清晰,但也多少有些機械,不妨將其融合在整句之中:If that happens, our nation would be like a rising sun or a broad road full of sunlight. … Sustained by thousands of years of history and a wondrous vast land, China’s future is as immense as oceans with ample time ahead.

       

      梁啟超寫此文時只有27歲,可謂當時的“90后”,并把它視為自己“開文章之新體,激民氣之暗潮”的代表作。要將其原汁原味地譯成英文,則需在詞語與句式上頗費斟酌。

       

      優勝譯文:

       

      @"Claudia

       

      If all Chinese youth become a decadent generation, then China would be doomed to be left behind, whose demise could be imminent. Therefore, the responsibility of our times should be shouldered by youth rather than anyone else. A country could be smart and rich once the youth are smart and rich. A country could be strong and independent once the youth are strong and independent. A country’s freedom could be achieved once the youth have free will. A country could press ahead once the youth are making progress. Also, a country could outperform Europe and stand firm and proud among the nations in the world once the youth are capable to outshine others. A rising sun illuminates the bright path ahead. ... China enjoys a long history and a vast territory whose huge potential will be further unleashed in the near future.

      ——Liang Qichao


      @Nicholas

       

      Should the nation’s youth be rendered decrepit, then our China would regress to its miserable past, so much so that its demise could be expected soon. Today’s responsibilities, therefore, rest on the shoulders of no one but the youth. If our youth are intelligent, then our country is intelligent; our youth wealthy, then our country wealthy; our youth strong, then our country strong; our youth independent, then our country independent; our youth liberal, then our country liberal; our youth progressive, then our country progressive; our youth outperform the European counterparts, then our country outperforms the European counterparts; our youth tower over the global rivals, then our country towers over the global rivals. A brilliant red sun is rising up, casting its glorious rays on the road. … With an enduring history in vertical dimension of time and an expansive territory in horizontal dimension of space, China has a bright future, as vast as the ocean, stretching endlessly ahead.

      —By Liang Qichao

       

      @squarrel2009

       

      If Chinese young people become prematurely senile, China will remain as backward as it likes in the old days and its downfall can be expected soon. Therefore, today's responsibility of revitalizing the Chinese nation falls on no others but Chinese young people. If Chinese young people are wise and intelligent, the nation is full of talents; if Chinese young people are affluent, the nation is wealthy; if Chinese young people are vigorous, the nation is prosperous; if Chinese young people are independent, the nation emerges as a sovereign power; if Chinese young people are self-determining, the nation is self-reliant; if Chinese young people make progress, the nation will take bigger steps forward; if Chinese young people outperform their counterparts in the European countries, the nation will end up surpassing those countries; if Chinese young people come out on top among their world's peers, the nation will take the lead in the world. The red sun is rising over the eastern horizon, shining in all its splendor... China enjoys a long history tracing back thousands of years and vast territory stretching far and wide in all directions. The future of Chinese young people is as boundless as the vast sea and their long life journey is just ahead.

      —by Liang Qichao

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