Into the Light
By Rachel Kelly
Eight years ago, the idea that I might ever emerge from the darkness of deep clinical depression and be well again seemed unthinkable. Yet now, many winters have passed and I have returned to the light. Mostly I am calm and well, and some days I even feel as if I’m walking on sunshine.
My depression was born of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. At that low point almost two decades ago, it was so severe and the physical agony of the illness so painful, all I wanted to do was to die. I would lie in bed, clinging tomy mother’s arm so tightly that it was red from my clutch. She was often all that lay between me and the real possibility of suicide: my husband was out at work and she had come to live with us.
 be born of 來源于，由……導致。
 cling to 緊緊抓住。
 clutch 抓??；握緊。
Now that I am feeling better, I am learning how to do less, to be more grateful and to enjoy the moment.
So blessed do I feel to have made this recovery that over the past year, I have been emboldened to keep a diary of my progress.
 embolden 加強勇氣或信心。
Here are eight of my small steps – two for each season – which have helped me become happier.
 stuffocation 由雜物（stuff）和窒息（suffocation）組合而成，指被堆積的雜物淹沒而感到不堪重負。
I find the sunshine a welcome change, but with it comes a familiar itch: the need to spring clean. April finds me noticing the dusty piles that seem to have accumulated in every corner. I know clearing cupboards clears my mind; feeling overwhelmed can quickly lead to feeling anxious.
 itch 渴望；熱望。
But here’s the problem: I’m one of those people who finds it hard to throw things out – it runs in the family. My granny kept a mouse in the freezer in case she ever got a cat. The following working rule has helped. I save only what gives me joy or has some indelible link to family and friends. If in doubt, I imagine how mortified I would be if others found out that something they’d given me had been chucked out. Anything else can be thanked and sent on its way.
 indelible 無法磨滅、消除的。
 in doubt 不確定，拿不準。
 mortified 極度難堪或羞愧。
 chuck out 比較口語化的表達，意為扔掉，丟棄。
The ‘Three Good Things’ practice has proved handy and comes especially naturally as spring bulbs poke their heads up and the evenings grow longer. As I settle for bed, I think of three positive things that happened during the day, and add them to my ‘gratitude’ notebook. It’s easy to be grateful for nice things but, over time, the trick I’m learning is how to be grateful for the less obviously positive events in the day. This teaches us to tap into the mindset that everything is happening for us rather than to us. We can begin to recognise opportunities and lessons in place of disappointment and dejection.
 in place of 替代。
I’m lucky to have a small back garden which is a constant stress-reliever throughout the year, but never more so than in the dusty days of summer when I retreat from the city to my tiny patch of green. As I deadhead overblown roses and sweep faded leaves and detritus into tidy mounds, I have a sense of regaining control and peace. Find a fragrant flower as you are walking along. Hold it under your nose, close your eyes, take deep breaths and inhale deeply. Whenever I do this, I al-ways walk on with a spring in my step.
 deadhead 英式英語表達，指摘掉植物的枯花。
 detritus 這里應該指玫瑰的殘骸。
 mound 一堆。
 spring 此處為雙關語義，一指春天，一指步伐輕快有活力。
When a treasured piece of pottery gets broken in Japan, the cracks are mended with special glue that has been mixed together with powdered gold. The cracks are deliberately made a feature thanks to this art, which is known askintsugi or ‘golden joinery.’ The piece thereby becomes unique, and arguably more beautiful.
 kintsugi 金繕，一種陶瓷修復工藝，還可以應用于對竹、木、牙、紫砂、玉器的修復，可以賦予所修復之物一種特別的“殘缺之美”。
I feel as if I too have undergone this repair process. Like a broken Japanese pot or vase, I have experienced plenty of breaks, but time and patience have put me back together again with new and interesting features. It’s an idea that makes me feel wonderfully calm.