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      英語世界
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      翻譯擂臺第41期點評
      發布時間:2020年04月20日     發布人:nanyuzi  
      來源: 英語世界
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      【原文】

       

      今年的清明

       

      廖天元

       

      [1]清明到來,我們必然會想起生命的美好,感嘆生命的無常,反思生活的過往。生命里有一些東西必然會失去,有些朋友注定會走遠,有些親人注定會離開,我們必須要坦然面對。 [2]但是,我們渴望一切是自然的新陳代謝,像季節一樣安靜地輪回。普通人沒幾個能在意外來臨時鎮定自若,當悲傷突然降臨不免會痛不欲生。[3]今年這個清明,注定會成為情感宣泄的出口,悲傷的眼淚會在天空橫飛。就允許人們任性一回吧,為逝去的生命,為逝去的英靈。[4]每個人在心中點燃祈禱的燭光,祈禱悲劇不再上演,從此安康、天下太平。

       

      多少年后回顧起來,2020年必定會成為人類史上的一個分水嶺。對于中國人特別是那些災難降臨的人和家庭來講,這個清明節更是有著不同尋常的含義。

       

      就題目而言,參賽者一般譯成Qingming Festival of This Year、This Year’s Qingming、Tomb Sweeping Day in 2020等,應當說都可接受,但從讀者角度,不是每個西方人都知道 Qingming(特別是在文中首次出現)的含義;而this year貼近原文,故不妨用Tomb-sweeping Day in This Year。

       

      [1]中,“清明到來”,其中的“到來”一般用了comes,如When the Qingming Festival comes、When it comes to the Tomb-Sweeping Day、When Qingming Festival comes等,似乎不錯,但推敲起來,應該是comes round,因該詞組有happen regularly之意,如:①My birthday seems to come around quicker every year.(生日似乎一年比一年來得更快了。)②The summer vacation had come round again. I was happy that I could forget about school at least for a while.(又是暑假了,真高興,起碼眼下不用想學校的事了。)

       

      對于“我們必然會想起生命的美好,感嘆生命的無常,反思生活的過往”,一般都能譯出意思,且注意到了之前講過的詞語變化,如“we are sure to realize the beauty of life, sigh the impermanence of life, and reflect on the past life”“we are used to inevitably think of the goodness of life, exclaim the impermanence and reflect over the past of it”“the memory of brilliant life; the lament of varied life; the reflection on past life all these feelings”“It's inevitable to remind us the wonderfulness of life,sign it's ebb and flow, and reflect on the passing”等。

       

      對于“生命里有一些東西必然會失去,有些朋友注定會走遠,有些親人注定會離開”,一般譯成“In our life, some things are doomed to be lost, some friends will grow apart, and some relatives are bound to leave”“There must be something to lose, some friends to drift, and some relatives to depart in our life”“that some things in life are bounded to lose, some friends are destined to go far, and some relatives are doomed to pass away”等,這些似乎沒有大問題,但分析起來,似乎還有將詞句進一步融匯、整合的空間。

       

      對此,不妨從中國傳統文學中的“互文”手法來綜合理解。所謂互文,是“參互成文,含而見文”,即在一句或更多句中,看似說兩件或更多事,實則相互呼應、互相交錯、互相滲透、互相補充,表達一個完整的意思。典型的,如王昌齡《出塞》中的“秦時明月漢時關”,并非是指“秦朝的月亮”“漢朝的邊關”,而是“秦漢時的明月和秦漢時的邊關”,而翻譯時也可將“秦漢”理解為一種泛指:The bright moon and the strategic fortification have always been there from dynasty to dynasty。范仲淹《岳陽樓記》中的名句“不以物喜,不以己悲”,應理解為“人不應因‘物’(所處環境)或‘己’(個人遭遇)而喜,也不應因‘物’或‘己’而悲”,英譯為:One should not be pleased or saddened by external gains or personal losses. 同理,此處對于“一些東西”“有些朋友”“有些親人”亦可融會貫通,如將主語合成 some things and some people in life that…,而將謂語“失去”“遠走”“離開”的意思整合為be lost or apart。

       

      同時,對于“想起”“感嘆”“反思”幾個密集表達“思緒萬千”的詞組,不妨用being overwhelmed with trains of thoughts and feelings。

       

      “我們必須要坦然面對”,參賽者有多種較好譯法,如“we have no choice but to confront it”“we must keep rational and wise”“nonetheless, we are supposed to take them in stride”“we have to face with a calm mindset”“we cannot but come to terms with the fact that …”等。此外,對狀語“必然”,為了強調,亦可按英文表達習慣前置處理。

       

      故此,該部分不妨譯為:Inevitably, whenever Tomb-sweeping Day (Qingming) comes round, we are overwhelmed with trains of thoughts and feelings – the beauty and impermanence of life flowing through our minds. There are some things and some people in life that are bound to be lost or apart – be they our friends or loved ones, with which we will have to cope at complete ease.

       

      [2]中,(一切)“是”,不應簡單理解為is /are,而是一種動態的“按照”“遵循”,可用follow等。

       

      “自然的新陳代謝”,若譯成 natural metabolism似不完全,可用the law of natural metabolism。

       

      “輪回”,源于宗教術語,如佛教、印度教、婆羅門教等都認為生命是世代輪轉循環的,作者借此多少表達某種心理安慰,故譯文中不宜用過于宗教化的詞語,如samsara、transmigration、RINNE等,而可用同時具有世俗含義的reincarnate,如:①The IMF has predicted that China’s monstrous current account surplus would soon reincarnate itself in an expanded form.(國際貨幣基金組織預言,中國龐大的經常賬戶盈余會使其財政迅速膨脹。)②如中國俗語說的,“二十年后又是一條好漢”。(As the Chinese saying goes, “We will reincarnate and become another hero twenty years later.)

       

      同時,“安靜”“鎮定自若”,原文有重疊部分,譯文中應有所區別。

       

      “普通人”,許多人譯成common people、ordinary men、layfolks、average persons等,其實這里是一種泛指,可不必刻意譯出。

       

      此處的“悲傷”不是sadness、grief、sorrow,而是disaster、calamity、tragedy、catastrophe等。

       

      此外,轉折詞“但是”也不必刻板地按照原文譯出,而可作相應調整。

       

      因而,此部分可譯為:We yearn that all will follow the law of natural metabolism as quietly as the seasons reincarnate. However, few of us can stay composed and bear the pain when a sudden calamity falls upon us.

       

      [3]中,“今年這個……”有其特殊之處,譯文中不妨加以點明,如增譯為year of COVID-19。

       

      “注定會成為情感宣泄的出口,悲傷的眼淚會在天空橫飛”,若譯成become an exit to let off feelings and sad tears will fly around in the sky,顯然太過直譯,而to outpour our sorrow and tears又太過簡化;a moment of the release of sorrow and will witness tears pouring out from people’ eyes意思不錯,但距原文過遠。更多的參賽譯文如“become an outlet for emotional catharsis, and sad tears will fly across the sky”“to be an outlet for people’s inner feelings, with tears shed for sadness flying in the sky”“to serve as an emotional outlet that allows our sad tears to weep under the sky”等。

       

      對于“就允許人們任性一回吧”,較為典型的譯文如please allow people to be willful for once、Just allow people to be unrestrained once、Let people be wayward once、Let them be sensational等,但似乎還可變通一下,如用更具強調意味的… is the word,類似的:①Inclusiveness is the word for us to build relationship with other believers.(只有包容才能與其他宗教信徒建立良好關系。)②Once they have established a contact that itself is the word.(一旦他們建立了聯系,這本身就說明了一切。)故可用“if… is the word, then…”。

       

      至于“為逝去的生命,為逝去的英靈”,其中的“為”不應是簡單的for,而可用更具感情色彩embrace等;同時,“生命”與“英靈”其實是不可分的,此處是一種統稱。

       

      綜合而言,此部分不妨譯為:Qingming in this year of COVID-19 is destined to be the outlet for emotions to vent, tears to fly all over the sky… If “indulging” is the appropriate word, let it be so for the time being, willfully embracing the demised souls and perished spirits.

       

      對于[4],較為典型的譯文如“Let the candlelight of praying burn at the heart to pray that no tragedies would come again and well-being and peace would last forever”“We all pray in heart that the tragedy will never happen again, expecting a peaceful world”“Everyone will hold a candlelit vigil in their mind, praying for the welfare and peace forever, with such tragedy never happens”等,大都言之成理,但在詞語的選擇和句式的運用上似還可作進一步調整:Let’s light the candles in our hearts and pray: from now on, tragedies have no place in this land, peace and well-being will prevail forever!

       

      應當指出,有些參賽譯文顯然是用翻譯軟件操作而未經任何修改、加工、編輯,這是我們所不提倡的,希望以后能夠避免。

       

      逝者已矣,生者不息。人類就是在種種災難中存活、延續下去的,而年復一年地顧望遠去的亡靈,會使人們對自己眼下做的事有更新的理解。

       

      優勝譯文:

       

      @...

       

      Qingming Festival 2020

       

      By Lianyuan Liao

       

      With the arrival of the Qingming Festival, we are bound to think of the goodness of life, sigh for the uncertainty of life and reflect on what has happened. We have got to face the reality that we are doomed to lose something, some friends and relatives. However, we desire that it is a natural process of metabolism and that it comes and goes silently like seasons. Few of us ordinary people are able to stay calm when accidents happen. Unavoidably,we will be inconsolable when griefs come to us unexpectedly. Without doubt, the Qingming Festival 2020 is an opportunity for releasing our emotions when tears of sadness will overflow. Just let us be wayward for once for the deceased, for the martyrs. Let’s light the candles in our hearts to pray that tragedy will not happen again, pray that human beings live happily and peacefully ever since.

      An excerpt from Caught in the Rain in Qingming

       

      @John

       

      Tomb Sweeping Day This Year

       

      On Tomb Sweeping Day we invariably ponder over the beauty as well as the unpredictability of life. We reflect on the past and come to realize that in time we will be robbed of some of the things we treasure so much in life. Our friends may part ways with us and our beloved family members are bound to be forever separated from us. Calmly and fearlessly we must accept all this. But we hope that what happens should be like the course nature has taken since times immortal, like the rotation of the four seasons. Ordinary people rarely, if ever, keep calm before death. And they will be grieved when misfortune befalls them. This year’s Tomb Sweeping Day will certainly be the occasion for mourning and grief with sad tears streaming down from the sky. Allow them to pour out their feelings and emotions freely this time, to mourn the death of the ordinary and heroic. Allow them to light up the candle in their hearts to pray for peace and prosperity, to pray that such misfortunes may never strike again.

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