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      英語世界
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      翻譯擂臺第43期點評
      發布時間:2020年07月09日     發布人:nanyuzi  
      來源: 英語世界
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      【原文】

       

      老家的端午節

       

      [1]小時候,端午節隨清風吹送,風度翩翩地來了。林家的老屋頓時沸騰起來。每一戶人家都會買一些肉,更重要的是,大人們一起包粽子。[2]傳統的節日里,粽子卻很樸素,料子就簡單純一色一樣的糯米。心靈手巧的老家的親人們,一邊有說有笑,一邊手里忙個不停,藝術般的手,爐火純青地包著粽子。[3]寬大的竹葉,經過細心地清洗,折成特別的形狀,包著平時難得一見的糯米。棕樹的細長的葉子做牢固的“線”,捆綁著弄好的棱角分明的粽葉,恰當到極點。[4]粽子,經過較長時間的水煮,一個個分外迷人。吃在嘴里,香在心頭,妙在竹葉包裝里的獨特的形狀。[5]于是,每一年的端午節,吃粽子成為一種渴望,一種等待,一種難得的記憶。

       

      就題目“老家的端午節”而言,其中的“老家”有的參賽者譯成the old house,即使用翻譯軟件,也未必會這樣翻譯吧?而Dragon Boat Festival 又顯然不完整;Reminiscences of My Hometown Dragon Boat Festival、Some Memories about the Dragon Boat Festival in My Hometown則過猶不及。應當說,hometown與native place在多數情況下可以互換,但后者更強調“籍貫”,如:What is your native place?(你是哪兒的人?)因而,標題不妨譯為:The Dragon Boat Festival in My Hometown。

       

      [1]中,“小時候”一般譯成When I was a child、when I was little、In my childhood等,但縱觀全文,看得出寫的是作者兒時對端午節的記憶,故可用In my childhood memory。

       

      “端午節隨清風吹送,風度翩翩地來了”,是一種擬人的文學筆法,若譯成“the Dragon Boat Festival came along with the breeze”未免過于簡單,而“… came home with the breeze, elegantly”又有些狹窄,特別是elegantly, 其“雅”常與“俗”相對應,如:While you all do things elegantly, I do things crudely.(好吧,你們都是雅范兒的,我偏要來點兒俗的。)而端午節是大眾的“俗節”,用“風度翩翩”是指會給百姓帶來恩惠,故不如用grace/gracefully,即不只具有表面的美,而是有更多的含義,如:A born elegance, she even aged gracefully.(她天生麗質,甚至老去也優雅。)

       

      “林家”是指其家族,如“克林頓家族”(the Clintons),故可用the Lins(而不必是the Lin clan)。

       

      “沸騰起來”固然可以用was very excited、suddenly bustling、full of jollification等,但cheer up更為簡單、明快,該短語具有“fill with gladness, hope, high spirits, comfort”之意。

       

      “更重要的是”,大都譯成more importantly。其實就“對等”而言,可有多種,如more to the point、what is more、what’s more、above all等,而在此處日常隨和的語境下,甚至可以不用這些,而在其具體行動中表現出來,即家家戶戶都把“包粽子”作為一件不可或缺的大事(serious business)來做,如:①Now Americans don’t really think marriage is a business deal. But marriage is serious business in people’s live.(雖然今天美國人并不真正認為婚姻是一宗商業交易,但婚姻確實是件人生大事。)②Since the Covid-19 pandemic, handheld and mobile devices have steadily become serious business for various teaching and seminars.(自新冠病毒流行以來,手持和移動設備已逐漸成為各種教學、研討會的重要平臺。)

       

      故此,該部分不妨譯為:In my childhood memory, whenever the Dragon Boat Festival arrived, it came gracefully in the breeze and instantly cheered up the old house of the Lins. At that time, every family bought some meat and the grown-ups would soon engage in their serious zongzi (rice dumpling) packing business.

       

      [2]中,“很樸素”用simple即可,如“樸素生活”(simple life)、“樸素的人”(a simple man)。

       

      “單純一色一樣的”不是the simple and pure of the same color,而是指“單一顏色”,即a single color。

       

      為使“傳統的節日”與“粽子的樸素”產生聯系,可用“As reflected in the traditional festival, …”。

       

      “老家的親人們”,許多人譯成ingenuity relatives of my old house、the ingenious kinsmen of the hometown等,似乎有些復雜,而the grandpas and grandmas、the relatives of my hometown又過于簡單,不如close family members。

       

      至于長句“心靈手巧的老家的親人們,一邊有說有笑,一邊手里忙個不停,藝術般的手,爐火純青地包著粽子”,若按原文詞序,很容易譯得冗長、中式,如“The family members of ingenuity in my hometown, talking and laughing, are busy packing Zongzi proficiently in ingenious hand.”“Ingenious relatives in the hometown were busy on their hands over talking and laughing with the dexterous hands making zongzi perfectly.”“The family members of the ingenious hometown, talking and laughing at the same time, are busy with their hands, artistic hands, wrapped with zongzi.”其實,遇到這種句式,不妨將原文中的狀語或定語提前譯出,如:①他認真熱情,一字不漏地記下了所說的話。(Conscientious and eager, he took down what was said, careful not to miss a word.)②她,一個瘦弱多病的女子,以堅強的毅力拿到了博士學位。(A thin and weak girl susceptible to diseases, she has obtained her PhD degree with her strong will.)此處可用“While talking and laughing, …”。相應地,對于“藝術般的手,爐火純青地包著粽子”也要作些詞序調整,以融入句中。

       

      因而,該部分不妨譯為:As reflected in the traditional festival, zong zi was very simple: wrapped pure glutinous rice of a single color. While talking and laughing, close family members would skillfully use their artistic hands to make zong zi with a high degree of proficiency.

       

      [3]中,“寬大的竹葉,經過細心地清洗,折成特別的形狀,包著……”,可用“Wrapped in broad bamboo leaves…”。注意此處的“wrapped in…”是指“用……包著……”,而上文的“wrapped (pure glutinous rice)”是指“包著……東西”。

       

      對于“難得一見的糯米”,一般照字面意思譯成 the sticky rice rarely seen in daily life、the glutinous rice that was not common in ordinary days等,然而還可在具體語境中作些變通。

       

      這部分不妨譯為:Wrapped in broad bamboo leaves, carefully cleaned and specifically shaped, together with slender threads of the “firming line”, the sharp-edged unusual glutinous rice dumplings in this way formulate perfect zong zi.

       

      [4]中,“經過較長時間的水煮”,若按字面譯成after a long time boiling in water,顯然冗贅,因boil本義為to cook something by submerging it in boiling liquid for a period of time。

       

      而將“吃在嘴里,香在心頭,妙在竹葉包裝里的獨特的形狀”譯成“Eating in the mouth, fragrance in the heart, wonderful in the unique shape of bamboo leaf packaging”亦有同樣問題。此處不妨“合并同類項”,將對于粽子形狀、特色的描述歸到一起,而將“吃”和“香”的感覺留在后面。

       

      同時,此處的“香”不是一般意義的fragrant、aroma、incense、appetizing等,而實際是一種“味道”“滋味”“甜美”,故宜用taste、flavor、relish等,作為動詞,此處flavor更確切,如:①With discoveries in methods to preserve food, almost every kind of food can be frozen and yet keep its original flavor.(發明食品保存方法之后,幾乎每種食品都能冷凍,并且能保持原味。)②All of them are excellent both in color and flavor. No wonder our people like China’s Tea than any other kind.(所有產品都色純香濃,難怪我們那兒的人都喜歡中國茶。)③女人的一生中,若沒有嘗過被人默默暗戀的滋味,也算是一種憾事。(In a woman’s life, if she did not taste this flavor of being loved stealthily, she shall feel so regretful.)

       

      因而,該部分不妨譯為:After lengthy boiling, every one of them became a uniquely attractive figure and so tasty in the mouth, flavoring the heart.

       

      [5]中的“于是”,一般都譯成了Therefore、Thus、Hence、So等,但就作者兒時對于粽子的記憶而言,這里更多指的是“從那以后”便有了一種渴望、等待、記憶。所以,該句不妨譯為:Ever since then, eating zong zi during the annual Dragon Boat Festival has been a kind of aspiration, longing and precious memory.

       

      可見,翻譯中對于原文的語序,需作靈活處理,即在融會貫通之后,以譯入語的表達習慣再現出來。

       

      優勝譯文:

       

      @ Daisy

       

      The Dragon Boat Festival in My Old Household

       

      The Dragon Boat Festival in my childhood always came with a refreshing breeze. On that day,the old house of Lin family suddenly became crowded and merry. Every household would buy some pork, and more importantly, grownups would gather together to wrap Zongzi, or sticky rice dumplings. Traditional as the festival was, the sticky rice dumplings were simple with sticky rice being the only ingredient. My relatives in the old house were all smart-minded and clever-handed. Sticky rice dumplings were skillfully wrapped in those artists’ hands over talking and laughing. Broad bamboo leaves were carefully washed and cleaned before being shaped specially to wrap the sticky rice which was rarely seen on ordinary days. The palm tree leaves, slim and long, were used as threads to fasten the neatly shaped sticky rice dumplings, proper to the utmost. Boiled for a long time, those sticky rice dumplings seemed extremely fascinating. A bite of it left fragrance in heart. One couldn’t help wondering how could so simple an ingredient be made into such unique shapes. Therefore, on every Dragon Boat Festival, eating Zongzi becomes an inner desire, a long-time waiting and an unforgettable memory.

       

      @ Xi

       

      The Duanwu Festival In My Hometown

       

      In my childhood memory, the Duanwu Festival always came gracefully with summer breezes, bringing a sudden excitement to the old house of Lin’s. At that time, every household would buy some pork, and more importantly, the grown-ups made zongzi. Even as a festive traditional food, zongzi looks nothing special with the plain colours and simple ingredients of glutinous rice. The grown-ups were craftsmen of zongzi, while random chats and laughter never disturbed them when their fingers nimbly and skillfully bustled around and wrapped the leaves up. The wide bamboo leaves, carefully rinsed, folded into a pyramid shape, embraced the glutinous rice only seen at this time of a year. The long narrow palm leaves were twisted into tough “threads” so that it could tie the angled bamboo leaves together perfect to the point. Slowly boiled, zongzi then became somehow mouthwatering. Once a bite on the top, the fragrance of bamboo and sweetness of rice would seize the tenderness of your heart, making the lovely-shaped delicacy more unique. Therefore when it came the Duanwu Festival, a bite on zongzi turned to be a secret wanting, an impatient waiting and even an unforgettable memory of my childhood.

       

      @一衣帶水

       

      The Dragon Boat Festival in My hometown

       

      In my childhood, the Dragon Boat Festival always arrived imposingly in company with refreshing breeze, etching on my memory. At this time of year, Lin’s old houses would burst into bustle and hustle. Every house was bound to prepare some pork, and more importantly, grown-ups would join hands to make rice dumplings. But in this traditional festival, Zongzi was made simply with glutinous rice of a kind. Relatives from the same village gathered under one roof, chatting, laughing, and skillfully getting their artistish hands full in making rice-dumplings. Wide bamboo leaves, after carefully washed, were folded in particular shape to wrap the unusual fillings, while threads made from the long palm leaves were used to tie the angular rice-dumplings up, all of which were right for the purpose. Zongzi, being cooked in boiling water for a long while, turned out to be tempting. A bite came into mouth as its smell lies within heart, which could be thanks to the peculiar shape inside the wrapped leaves. Hence, for me, tasting Zongzi in the festival annually has become a yearning, an event to wait for and a luxury memory.

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